IVF 3.0

So in about 18 days I'll start stims for IVF 3.0 Right now I'm in the BCP stage, so every night before bed I take a BCP, DHEA (my poor skin), fish oil and a pre-natal. I'm hungry a lot more, sleepy and my face is breaking out. I'm going to acupuncture once a week but once I start stims I'll probably amp that up to twice a week. I'm not sure how I feel about this cycle, probably similar to what I felt last year, one-half "yes this is totally going to work, it's finally my turn, we will have a baby this time" and one-half "we are insane, we are wasting $15,000, this is not going to work, we are screwed." We both feel like we have to try; at least if we try and we fail again we can't say we didn't give it our best shot. I'm not really talking about it with my friends/family because I don't want to set everyone up for disappointment again. Well, that and I just don't want to be a downer. I had considered not blogging about it but blogging about it helps me get out all the things I want to say but might not say to anyone but my husband.

I had my annual exam a few weeks ago and the labs came back fine. I do have to go get a chlamydia test because my OB/GYN didn't do one and I guess the FDA requires it now for IVF. Fun times. Also my meds are running us $4200 this time, about $1200 more than we had budgeted for. Ugh. The only upside is that I'm using my frequent flier miles card to pay for them which gives me one ff mile for every dollar I spend so I may not get pregnant but at least I'll be able to fly somewhere. Speaking of flying, I usually go to Seattle the first week of December to visit our friends and I kept being wishy-washy about it this year because I couldn't decide if wanted to buy the ticket if there was a chance this cycle might work, blah, blah, blah. Yesterday I bit the bullet and redeemed some of my ff miles and got my ticket. I leave December 7, which is about two weeks post-beta. So if it is a BFN then I told my husband I was going to Seattle and might not come back. However, if by some miracle it's a BFP I'll still go but I guess I won't be able to down Ambien or Xanax to suppress my flying fears.