A few months ago I had a conversation with my boss, who knows about our IF troubles and is also super-caring and understanding. Anyway, we were talking about all the people at work/in my life who are pregnant and he asked me "Are you jealous?" and before I could answer he said "No, I guess you aren't really a jealous person are you." I thought about it and I said "No, not really, I mean maybe a tiny bit but not typically." Now I fully admit to having pangs of jealously about the ease with which some people are able to get pregnant but I feel like that's normal given my situation. Over the weekend I was blog-surfing and read the blog of someone I went to high school with. I wouldn't say we were friends, but we were always nice to each other. Well she's expecting her second child and she seems to be due right around the time I believe I would have been, had IVF 2.0 not ended in a chemical pregnancy. For some reason this struck me and made me jealous. Jealous because it seems so unfair that she gets to have this white-picket fence existence. Don't get me wrong, I don't want her life, I just wish it didn't have to be so hard for me.
I also read the blogs of people I don't know but who are pregnant, some of them posting light-hearted complaints about the not-so-fun parts of pregnancy. But all I could think about was how I wish I had those problems. What I would give to have morning-sickness, heartburn, swollen ankles or stretch marks. I would gladly take all of those symptoms and more if it meant I'd get to be a mother.
In the end I always go to back to the eternal question -"why isn't it our turn yet?" Haven't we waited long enough? Haven't we suffered and sacrificed enough?