Monday, January 31, 2011

Round and round and back again

I'm emotionally exhausted and we aren't even cycling this month. Last Tuesday my grandmother, who I'm very close to, ended up in the ICU with a ruptured, abscessed appendix and blood clots in her lungs, very serious. I spent most of last week teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown because I was so worried about her. On Friday they moved her into a regular room but she's not out of the woods yet, they can't take out her appendix until the blood clots are gone so she'll be the hospital until that happens. 

The reality of losing her before she sees me as mother made my heart hurt. That possibility resulted in me wanting to skip anymore IUI's and go straight to the end-of-the-road IVF cycle. This also resulted in several long, emotional conversations with my dear husband, who despite my manic episodes, has managed not to runaway yet. Eventually, after a few days we comprised and came back to the same plan we made before, with a few small changes. It's very important for him for us to use the sperm he has stored, even though it was stored post-radiation and the success rates are very low. I understand that and am on board with this. Miracles can happen right? So for our next IUI cycle we'll use two of stored vials (the counts are so low they have to use two vials for one IUI). After that we'll have three vials left, the worst we'll save for IVF/ICSI - when we plan to fertilize half the eggs with donor and the half with what we have stored. The tentative plan going forward is to use up what we have stored with IUI's and then consider another donor IUI before IVF. I did make him swear to me we'd do another IVF cycle before the end of the year - even if we have to sell our kidneys to fund it (not really). 

Also a big thank you to Krissi over at Stress Free Infertility for featuring me last week, I really needed a virtual hug and that made my day!

On a musical note, I bought the Ok Go album from last year recently and the song "This Too Shall Pass" grabbed my attention. I remember this video was super popular but I never paid attention to the lyrics until now.

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