Monday, April 30, 2012

On fathers

My relationship with my father is pretty much non-existent. I think I've mentioned before that he left when I was around 6 or so and was in and out of my life the rest of the time. Right after my parents divorced (his doing, not my mother's) he had visitation with us and we stayed with him and his new wife/girlfriend for two weeks in the summer. It was awful. Shortly thereafter, he stopped paying child support and made little effort to see/parent/support my brother and I for the remainder of our childhood. About once a year he would pop up with a new wife or girlfriend (I've pretty much lost count of how many times he's been married) and visit us for a day, but it was awkward and I never felt like I had a father. When I was a kid I was the only one of my friends that had divorced parents. I always felt weird around the fathers of my friends. I did have a very devoted maternal uncle and grandfather, plus my father's two brothers (who thought my father was an asshat) and paternal grandfather, that were all pretty good male role models in my life. However, being a girl growing up without a father can be pretty sucky. I turned out okay but I know there are issues that maybe I could have dealt with better had my father been an active participant in my life. Presently, my father lives somewhere in the same part of the state as me, I'm not exactly sure where, with another women, this one he doesn't seem to be married to (yet), and he's a fairly sad shell of a man. I think he's finally come to the point where he might be realizing how much he effed up were my brother and I were concerned. 

I say all this to get to my point - I am 110% sure, with every fiber of my being, that my husband is going to make an incredible father. Over the weekend we watched our 18 month-old nephew, who adores his uncle and is indifferent to his aunt (me) and every time I see my husband interact with our nephew I almost cry because he's so good with him. My husband lost his own father far too soon (at age 12) and so he also grew up without a father, but from different circumstances. I am so lucky to have found the partner in life that I did. Not only is he going to be a great dad but he's a great husband, honestly he spoils me. Several of the IF bloggers I've followed over the years have had troubled marriages, strained and pushed to the limits by their infertility experiences. Others have had their marriages made stronger by infertility, I am thankful to be one of the latter. We still have troubles like most married couples, but they aren't foundation-shattering, they're small and forgettable. Since we started this journey it's always felt like it was just the two of us against the world and soon (hopefully) it'll be us and a little one against the world.

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