Currently...

I feel like the title of this song, which is one of my favorite covers. Ultrasound this morning, lots of abdominal pressure. Nurse called and the plan is stay on the same units of Bravelle and the oral meds. I go back for another ultrasound Saturday morning and hopefully the retrieval is on for Monday. My belly is sticking out and I bought another pair of yoga pants at Target this morning. I've been spending my day off beached on the sofa writing papers. 

I'm trying really, really hard to walk that thin line between being optimistic and trying not have a broken heart. I want it to work so badly but I want to be prepared if it doesn't. The thing is that if it doesn't work life still has to go on. I don't really have to time to mourn. I have a full time job that I still have to go to and I still have three classes to pass. In a way I suppose it's good, at least I'll be so busy I won't have time to wallow.

Moo

Stimming report seems to be okay, at least as far as I can tell. They weren't very specific when they called but I had an ultrasound this morning and my left ovary had several follicles (I'm assuming they're actual follicles because the nurse said they weren't antral follicles anymore?) and my right had at least three. When my coordinator called this afternoon she just continue on with the same amount of Bravelle, the Letrozole, the Dexamethosone and the DHEA (not to mention the doxycycline and the prenatal).

I'm starting to feeling sluggish and bloat-y, hello elastic waistbands. I also feel like I could eat a bear. On a typical day I have a bowl of vegetable soup and a side of baby greens for lunch. Today I ate a slab of leftover meatloaf and corn and still had room for an apple. Now I'm hungry again. As my high school friend Drew used to say, I feel like a heifer.

Bloodletting (literally & figuratively)

IVF #2: The Final Chapter has officially begun. Thursday morning I went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood draw. I got to the office about 7:35AM and it was packed. I couldn't believe how many people were waiting. Luckily, I didn't have to wait long. The ultrasound was quick, the nurse I like the best (she thinks I'm hilarious for some reason) did it. Then I had to go have my blood drawn. The phlebotomist really sweet but I have craptastic veins and she stuck me once in the crook of my arm and that went badly. She quickly changed her plans and did the draw with a teensy needle on top of my hand. Both sticks left some pretty impressive bruises.

I began Bravelle injections Saturday night and the other oral meds too. Getting the Letrozole and the Dexamethasone was a fiasco. Originally I had my nurse send the prescription to our insurance specialty pharmacy. I called them to confirm they could get it to me by Saturday - they could not. So I had to cancel the order, call the nurse again and have her fax it over to Walgreen's. Then Walgreen's told me my insurance company was denying it because I had just gotten it filled. This resulted in me calling the specialty pharmacy, calling the insurance company and calling Walgreen's. Eventually it was all sorted out and I got the drugs. So far Doug's done really good with giving me the shots, it doesn't hurt, just stings. Side effects include a dull headache and hot flashes. I woke up in the middle of the night Sunday and had to turn on the fan I was sweating so much. 

We've also encountered a problem with Doug's stored 'product'. The embryologist called last week and to make a long story short - the stored stuff has fragmented DNA and will likely not produce a pregnancy. Both our RE and the embryologist strongly suggested we use donor. Big sigh. I'll admit neither one of us was really surprised. The surprising part was no one decided to mention it until last week. So, we've spent days combing through potential donors online and thinking about the possibilities if this whole thing works. We think we've found a donor at a bank in New England. Hopefully, if all goes the donor 'product' should be shipping out in a few days. Another downside, besides the obvious, is this donor 'product' is costing an additional $800. $800 we had not budgeted for, especially since we just had to spend $600 on our central air last week. Double ugh.

Drug Store Dining Room

All my medications came, save for two oral meds I'm waiting on, and there was a massive amount of boxes. I have alcohol swabs and needles for days, plus a shiny new sharps container. All the boxes are sitting in the dining room, waiting for me to have enough time to put everything up. Which means I need to spend a few hours cleaning out the linen closet in my bathroom so I have a place to put it all.

Yesterday we went to the clinic for our injection 'class' (just the nurse-coordinator and us). Awkward moment in the waiting room when the nurse called for 'April' and there was another April. Shockingly, Bitch-ceptionist was slightly (only slightly) less bitchy than usual. During our 'class' I found out each night I take Bravelle I'll be using SIX vials of it. Now granted they aren't huge vials but SIX every night for at least nine nights?! Yipes. I had also repressed memories of Progestrone-in-Oil shots until I was reminded of them and how big the needles are. My bum is going to be sore.

Trial Transfer (or my feet were in stirrups twice this week) & Meds

So we’re edging closer to stim-start date. This past Monday I had my pap smear at my regular OBGYN’s office. I was a little confused as to why my RE’s office didn’t just do a pap during one of the half-dozen times they’ve been perusing my lady bits lately, but whatever. My gynecologist is a nice-enough person. She used to be part of a big, huge practice in the women’s hospital but then she went out on her own and has her own one-woman show. I didn’t enjoy having to share a waiting room with a couple who couldn’t have been more than 19. The guy looked totally petrified and the girl seemed totally bored. I sat playing on my iPhone trying not to seethe with too much jealousy that they’re knocked up and I’m not. The RE’s office is waiting patiently for the pap results and at first I didn’t think too much about it but of course now I’m totally panicking that something might possibly be wrong. Neurotic much?


I also ordered all my medications, which should arrive next Wednesday. By some sort of miracle we only have to pay around $550 out of pocket for the medication. But I was also informed by the insurance company that we have now used up our $5,000 lifetime maximum on infertility drugs. So there’s that. Our injection class is Tuesday and I think the Bravelle is more complicated than the Follistim was. I used the Follistim pen, which you just filled with a cartridge and clicked. Based on what the nurse told me we have to mix up the Bravelle, which will probably involve math and I’m terrible at math. Mister B will be injecting me, the shots don’t hurt but I don’t want to give them to myself unless I have to, especially the progesterone in oil, ouch and ugh.

This morning after downing a vanilla latte and three large glasses of H2O, I drove over to the RE’s office and waddled into the waiting room for my trial transfer. Bitch-ceptionist* was there of course and of course told me I had a balance. I would be shocked if I ever went up to the desk and I didn’t have a balance. This time it was $267.19, the remainder of what we owe for the hysterosonogram. Not to mention that we’ll owe the lab $250 at the end of September for Doug’s sperm storage fee. So.much.money. When I got called back I had my weight and BP taken (BP is perfect, of course) and then got to go to the exam room, put on my pretty paper skirt and meet up with everyone infertilie’s favorite BFF, dildo cam. I sat in there forever, becoming so bored I emailed my friend Lynsey with a pic of dildo cam. Eventually Dr. K arrived with a mostly competent looking medical student and he went over my chart to make sure everything was in order. He also looked through the file to see which of Doug’s frozen sample’s we will be using – it seems it will be a vintage from July 1996, which is really long damn time ago – fourteen years!?! Dr. K assures us its fine though, hmmph. The procedure itself was nothing special, med student used the outside ultrasound wand to show what was happening while Dr. K passed the empty catheter through. I felt crampy and I really, really had to pee but other than that it was fine. He had no problems and doesn’t expect any problems on the actual retrieval day.

Once I start stimming everything will move along super fast which scares the crap out of me. I’m trying so, so hard to be optimistic but I’m also freaking out about what Plan B is going to be if IVF #2 The Final Chapter doesn’t work.


*Bitch-ceptionist is the affectionate nickname I have for the PIA receptionist at my RE's office. She has the compassion of a paper towel. Also every time I see her she wants more money.

More pills & the possible benefits of DHEA

Friday was CD 1 (woot!), I promptly called the RE's office, left a message on the nurse's voicemail and waited for a callback. She called me back and gave me a list of dates/times/details to put on the calender and called in a prescription for BCP for me. Yesterday I started the BCP, Loestrin, which by the way cost me around $75!! Walgreen's kindly informed me my insurance saved me $4.17. I'm assuming the cost was astronomical because it was brand name or something. The nurse also told me to get thee to GNC and purchase a bottle of DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), found in the Men's Section. Since the prenatal and the fish oil pills I take are gigantic I was relieved to find the BCP and the DHEA are minuscule.

I was though a little concerned at some of the side effects listed on the bottle of DHEA. They include: For example, masculinization may occur in women, including acne, greasy skin, facial hair, hair loss, increased sweating, weight gain around the waist, or a deeper voice.

and my personal favorite: increased aggressiveness - WTF!

I've done a little online research about the use of DHEA in women with Premature Ovarian Failure (like myself). What I found seems to be somewhat promising - it can improve egg counts and increase the egg and embryo quality. This article from the Oxford Journal on Human Reproduction agrees that DHEA has positive effects when used during an IVF cycle. I can only hope it'll help me this cycle...

Waiting

So last Tuesday my RE's nurse called with my protocol, it's going to be a different one than last time, thankfully. He's going to have me on DHEA and Bravelle and something else I can't remember, but no Lupron. On Thursday AF shows and I call the RE's office to let the nurse know so I can get my BCP prescription and start the 21 days of that. Well, later that afternoon the nurse (same nurse from earlier this week) calls me back to tell me the lab will be shutting down for two weeks during my cycle period so we'll have to delay starting the IVF cycle until my NEXT cycle in a month. The nurse was very sweet but OMG I *just* talked to her on Tuesday and she knew my cycle was about to start could she have not mentioned the lab shutting down then? Is this the end of the world? No. But is it aggravating to have to wait another month? Yes. Especially since they already have their money. Sigh. 

It seems like with infertility you're always waiting, waiting on blood test results, waiting for AF to show, waiting to have an ultrasound, waiting, waiting, waiting....