21wks3days

Another week closer to viability and to baby. We (me) are in severe nesting mode, we've lived in our house for five years now and haven't done a whole lot to it. So now as the prospect of bringing home baby looms, we want to try to do as much as possible to improve the house. We made a big list about a month ago of things to get done and our original plan was to tackle one thing a weekend but that goal hasn't quiet been met. However this past week we moved forward with a few items. We bought ceiling fans to be installed in our bedroom and the future baby room and on Wednesday we got them installed. We have a painter coming Monday to paint our office (aka the third bedroom) and we're getting estimates now to have our kitchen cabinets and countertops replaced. Based on the first bid we may end up doing some of the installation ourselves. We've picked out the crib and mattress we want but I want to hold off buying it until 24 weeks, just in case. Oh and we found out we got in our #2 daycare pick, it's little further from our house but it's a great program. It feels like it was too easy, I thought we'd be waiting until after baby comes. Haven't heard anything from our #1 pick, but I know they cashed our waiting list check so we must be on the list.

I'm starting to more consistently feel something moving around. It's still not what I would describe as a kick or punch, but a weird sensation in my lower abdomen. My sleep is not great, but that's about it, some nights I just can't get comfortable. This week I think the fact that everything is in bloom and the weather has been so odd has given me a sore throat, running nose, and cough, blah. But everyone else seems to be experiencing the same issues, spring blooming came much earlier this year. 

I still haven't heard anything from the clinic regarding that extra amount they want us to pay, I'm trying not to worry too much about it. I did get an email this week from the sperm bank we used letting us know our donor has retired. There are still vials available for purchase but once those are gone that's it. So now we're faced with the dilemma of waiting or going ahead and buying a couple of vials (to the tune of $715 each, plus the yearly storage fee). On one hand we hate spending the money right now, but on the other hand we want to make sure we have the option of giving this baby a sibling. Although when I start thinking about trying for a second baby I start thinking about the chances of lighting striking again. We are so very lucky to have finally had IVF work and I'm worried we might not be so lucky again. We haven't really talked to other people about it much because I'm sure they'll think we're insane, but we want to start IVF again for a second child sometime around baby's 1st birthday (provided nothing catastrophic happens). Our reasoning is that it took us 7 years to get to this point and we don't want to wait that long again. Plus my egg reserve isn't going to magically replenish itself, and I'll be 32 by the time we hopefully celebrate baby's 1st birthday, which is three years away from advanced maternal age. And since my ovaries are already aging too quickly and Doug isn't getting younger, it feels like time is of the essence.

20wks1days

Halfway point! Grateful, grateful, grateful. Still a little scared thought but mostly happy and grateful. We had a good appointment with the 'big' ultrasound yesterday. Our baby looks great, he/she is head down, wiggling around and using the placenta as a punching bag. We saw the heart, brain, kidneys and stomach and he/she moved his/her arms around a lot. My doctor noticed that I have a low-lying placenta, It wasn't covering or even partially covering the cervix it was just very close to the cervix. She did say that 90% of the time it resolves itself the further along I get, fingers crossed.  Doug told her to make sure she said that again because I would go home and freak out about it. He knows me too well. She told us when to close our eyes when she was looking at the bottom bits since we don't want to know the gender. We got several profile shots and a few shots of a baby arm and hand and a tiny baby foot. After looking at the profile shot I swear this baby looks like my brother (ultrasounds pictures can be found top right under the "Ultrasounds" tab). Oh and I did gain 5 pounds, eek. I have to start paying better attention to what I'm eating and lay off the Easter candy/Girl Scout cookies. More protein and less sugar.

My 'new' symptoms are going to the bathroom all.the.time. and a lot of tossing and turning at night. I bought a body pillow at Target over the weekend and that's helping but it takes up a lot of bed space, poor Doug, between the pillow and the cats he's barely hanging on to the side. We're finally getting in to gear about childcare, we've sent in applications/waiting list money to two places and we're going to visit a third next week. Our #1 pick is right by our house which would be super convenient. The other two are really good too, but they're further out. At this point we'll just be lucky to get a spot at any of the three. Baby will be with me at my office for at least 3 months but he/she will need to be in daycare soon after. I think it'll all work out, we have a plan b, a plan c and a plan d but I hope we won't need those.

Heartbroken for someone else

Just a quick note to please send your thoughts and prayers to A at The Journey to Baby G, who just lost her twins at 19 weeks, 5 days. I started reading her blog a year or so ago and she got her BFP just a few days ahead of me. She has been through 4 IVF cycles, plus more procedures and losses, and I just cannot begin to fathom how much grief and pain she and her husband are experiencing right now.

19wks1day

This week, depending on what site you ask, baby is either the size of a mango or an heirloom tomato. Which still seems pretty small. I still feel good, no scary events this week (thankfully). I am getting rounder and it's starting to look more like I'm pregnant and not just on a food binge. I've been lax about going to the gym since last week, after the scary incident I wanted to lay low for a little bit. Since Daylight Savings time starts this weekend it'll be easier for me to go walking in my neighborhood after work. I am a little fearful of my weight gain because of the no-gym and the Easter candy I've been putting away (darn Cadbury mini-eggs). I just need to do better in the coming weeks. 

I'm not all-the-way in maternity clothes but I'm wearing them at work almost exclusively. I got three dresses from Target.com and then a friend lent me a few more and they are sooo comfortable. Plus it's been so warm here I've been able to ditch the pantyhose. Hallelujah. 

I still haven't felt something that I would call official movement. I have had a few weird feelings, something akin to having a belly full of water but no thumping/kicking or the 'butterfly' feeling some people describe. I hope that doesn't mean anything is wrong.

One thing that is giving me concern is that we got a bill from our RE's office for things I don't think we should be paying for and I'm fighting it. The long story is we have a $5,000 lifetime maximum for infertility treatments/testing from our health insurance. Our first IVF cycle was in 2006 so that lifetime maximum was met in 2005/2006. Ever since then we've been self-pay for infertility treatments. Sometimes our insurance will pay for ultrasounds or blood work but usually not. Anyway, our clinic, which we have been patients at since 2004, has a slightly cheaper rate for people without insurance coverage if you pay the entire cycle cost in advance. So in 2010 when we did our second IVF cycle we pre-paid the fees several months before the cycle started. Of course that cycle was the cycle that ended in a chemical pregnancy. Fast-forward to August of 2011, in preparation for our third IVF cycle, we again pre-paid the fees for IVF (our cycle didn't start until the end of October). Well after our cycle ended I noticed I was getting EOB (explanation of benefits) from our insurance company about claims that had been filed by my RE's office. I was confused but thought maybe it was ultrasounds or bloodwork. Well in January we got a bill from my RE's office for somewhere in the neighborhood of $1300. Some of it for the bloodwork/ultrasounds following our positive beta and some of it for surgery, lab fees, etc. from our IVF cycle. I was highly upset because I thought that just like in 2010, everything was covered when we pre-paid. I called the office's billing department and when I told the woman my name she said "Oh yes you're insurance stopped covering your IVF cycle" to which I said "Um, we don''t have IVF coverage". It turns out the billing/insurance company called our insurance company to check for coverage (I don't know why we've had the same exact insurance for nearly nine years) and the morons at our insurance company said yes but didn't mention that we had already met our lifetime maximum. This led our clinic's billing/insurance department to file claims, which our insurance company denied and then our clinic subsequently billed us for. Needless to say I'm pissed that we did the same IVF cycle that we did in 2010 (ICSI, AH, etc), with the same insurance, pre-paid the same amount and they still think we owe. Argh. I called the billing person again today and she was going to talk to the administrator and my RE and get back to me. Obviously I can't put any amount of finally being pregnant but holy crap we've paid that clinic upwards of $40,000 over the last seven years and I hate to pay more.

On a lighter note, we're planning a vacation in April to New Mexico if everything goes well. We'll be driving, which we really like to do, and hopefully going to Santa Fe, Taos and maybe a few other small places around there. I'm really excited to drive west again and maybe my current condition won't cause us to to have to stop every five minutes.

18wks1day

I got busy last week and didn't post but luckily it was a pretty quiet week. We did get the results of our blood work earlier last Friday and it was all negative, the MFM nurse said they were the best numbers you could get. Big sigh of relief. Another hurdle crossed on the way to the finish line a take home baby. I still feel good, my need for sleep is off and on. Last Thursday I skipped out of work a little early because I was positive I was going to fall asleep on my desk. I am starting to get tired of sleeping on my side, it makes my hips hurt. I think I'm going to get one of those long skinny pillows to sleep with. No complaints really, even if I had complaints I don't care, I'm still soooooo grateful to be pregnant, I'll relish all the symptoms and inconveniences I get. I'm pretty excited about our next checkup and getting to see baby again via ultrasound. I've starting going to acupuncture every other week and I'm not sure how long I should keep going. Obviously I feel like acupuncture/Dr. Needles is a big reason why I'm pregnant but I know it's probably going to get more and more uncomfortable to lie down on the table the further along I get. Maybe I'll just ask him.

 I did have a little scare on this past Monday, which might be TMI so avert your eyes if you're squeamish..............
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On Monday morning I woke up, went to the bathroom to prevent my bladder from exploding and when I got ready to flush I saw something, um, odd in the toilet. It looked like I had blown my nose, but from my lady parts. The thing that freaked me out was that it was yellowish in color with two brown streaks. This lead to me panicking and thinking I was losing my mucus plug or something equally horrifying. I got the Doppler and easily found a strong heartbeat but I still wasn't reassured. I called my doctor's office and left a message for the nurse (it's a small office, only one doctor and only one nurse). I had to wait all day for a callback but the nurse told me that if it wasn't continuing to happen and I wasn't cramping or bleeding it was fine. So then I felt better. Although I still used the Doppler a few extra times that day.

On a less gross front, I ordered a few dresses online and one of my friends brought me a bag full of things. Last week I went to Motherhood Maternity to get a pair of jeans and lo and behold they had a pair of petite jeans in my size. Shopping there was weird though, I felt very out of place. When I went to check out the sales clerk asked me a million question, including my due date, and before I knew what was happening I was in their 'system' and she was handing me my jeans and a bag of samples and coupons.

This week we both went Facebook 'public', also our 8th wedding anniversary. We got many congratulations and good wishes and that makes us both feel very cared about.  This week I've also been thinking about a few other IF bloggers who have suffered devastating losses recently.  It just reminds me how fragile this all is.

16wks

We had our 16 weeks appointment this morning and everything continues to be going well so far. Baby's heartrate was good and strong, around 150. My blood pressure was perfectly normal and I hadn't gained any weight since my last visit, yay for going to the gym. Although after I left the doctor's office I did slink down to Dunkin Donuts for a decaf and two donuts, it was my Valentine's Day treat. Our next appointment is in 4 weeks, I'll be 20 weeks then and we'll have our big anatomy scan (but we still aren't peeking to find out the gender). Hopefully everything will be completely normal and a-okay. My second blood draw with the MFM clinic is next Monday and after that I don't know how long it will take for them to get the results to us, we're hoping and praying for good results on that end. I got the bill from the first visit to the MFM clinic, a whopping $520 (we haven't met our deductible yet). Still cheaper than IF treatments.

Most of my clothing is tightening more and more. I have one pair of jeans left that I can wear and they're barely hanging on. I'm having a hard time finding work clothes, they're either frumpy looking or they're too revealing. I have to dress conservatively for work (skirts/dresses only, elbow length sleeves and higher necklines) and trying to find maternity wear is proving difficult. I've found several really cute casual things, but nothing very appropriate for work. I'm actually ready for warmer weather because at least then I can get away with nice sandals with my outfits and no panty hose (for some reason panty hose is not a big deal).

I can't say that I feel like a 'normal' pregnant person, I still feel like I'm on ultra-high alert for problems and complications. After you've been through so much and for so long, you become afraid of getting too comfortable. You almost have to protect yourself from your own feelings, if that makes sense. Sometimes it's just hard to believe that something good, something you've wanted for so incredibly long is finally happening. The other day I was driving home from work and I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, so grateful and happy to finally be pregnant. I'm also still thinking about all the other IF bloggers out there who are still struggling and hoping for a successful cycle and a take-home baby.

15wks

Fifteen seems like such a bigger number, I'm still very grateful to be here. Everything is still good (knock on wood). I, and almost everyone in my knitting group, caught a stomach virus last week, but luckily it didn't last too long. I also decided if that was similar to morning sickness I am forever grateful I escaped it. I still have the runny/stuffy nose that doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon but that's fine. My digestive system has been a little sluggish lately so I'm stocking up on dried fruits and prune juice to help things along. 

I've been weighing myself and I don't think I've gained very much since my last doctor's appointment but I won't know until I get there since their scale is slightly different than mine. I only got to the gym one day last week because of the stomach thing but I'm hoping to get all five days in this week. 

I ordered a few more baby-things, some bibs and swaddle blankets. I left everything in the package and kept the receipt, just in case. This morning I was scanning the local news and saw a story about a pregnant woman and her husband who were in a car wreck last week. The husband died and the wife, who was about as far along as I am, lost the baby. I can't even begin to imagine how completely devastating that is for her. Then I read a story in my hometown newspaper about the sister of a guy I went to school with who had placental abruption at 24 weeks and delivered a less than 2 lb. baby. Thankfully, her baby made it and is doing well but still those stories gave me more things to worry about. Making it this far isn't a guarantee of anything, I think of all the stories I've read of other bloggers, who after years finally got a long-awaited BFP, only to have something unthinkable happen. Sometimes it seems like an incredible accomplishment for anyone to make it through pregnancy with no complications and a healthy baby, kind of like reaching the top of Everest.

Here's to hoping everyone can reach their own Everest.