A new plan

Our follow-up with Dr. K was yesterday, it seemed to go well. We left with a renewed sense of hope - but that always happens after we meet with him. I got a copy of the cycle summary, contrary to what I thought he meant last week, I responded really well, my post-transfer estrogen and progesterone levels were "excellent" and our embryos were of great quality. He did talk about how it took a lot more medicine for me to produce than it did last time. I was taking about $500 worth of Bravelle every day for 10 days (450 units per day). That's a lot of Bravelle. The fertilization rate was excellent and overall I responded much better than I did during our 2006 IVF cycle. Unfortunately we don't know why the miscarriage happened or what caused it, sometimes they just happen. My antral follicle count in May was 17 (good) my AMH level was 1.2 (good) and my FSH was 9.21 (not great but better than it was). There's still some eggs in there, we just need to find some good ones. While we were there he had the lab call the bank we got our donor from and confirmed our donor was a proven donor (meaning someone else had gotten pregnant). No other issues came up during the cycle, everything seemed to go well, except for the miscarriage. 

After a lot of talking we've decided to do at least three IUI's with Bravelle/trigger shot and use a mixture of Doug's remaining vials and donor. I re-ordered the Bravelle/trigger yesterday from the specialty pharmacy and I'm praying we can get it for the insurance rate of $60 instead of the actual cost of $5,000. Although Doug and I are both still on the fence about using his stored sperm because we can't find any good information about the risk of birth defects with irradiated sperm. If the IUI's don't work we may consider doing a third IVF cycle. On one hand I feel like that's a massive emotional and financial risk and we should probably move on with embryo or traditional adoption. On the other hand I'm not even 30 yet and I can't let go of the idea of having a child genetically linked to one of us. That's probably selfish, but so be it. I think we'll also start gathering information on the homestudy process too. If we do go the embryo adoption route we'll need one so it's probably better to look at starting that since it takes so long because of all the paperwork.

The first thing we asked him was "when can we try again?" and the result was we need to wait at least one cycle for my body to recover. So (fingers crossed) my period will return in December and we can move forward with our first IUI in January. It seems regressive to go back to IUI after two failed IVF attempts but at least it's something. Maybe since we've never used donor with IUI we can have a better chance of success. Again I'm trying to walk the thin line of optimism and realistic expectations. I think our new plan is good, at least we'll have something going at the start of the new year. It's almost crippling for us not to have anything happening now that I'm in the "must procreate" mindset. So the plan for the next eight weeks is to relax as much as possible, continue my fish oil/prenatal/DHEA, enjoy the holidays as much as possible and get ready for January. My first meditation class was last night and I think I'm going to really enjoy it. Plus I've been to the gym three times this week so far. I feel so good after I make myself go. I want to continue the momentum so I can shed a few pounds because I'm sure that would be helpful.

So we're back to waiting, the most painful part of infertility. The journey isn't over yet, the road has just gotten longer.