Monday, November 29, 2010

Blah Humbug

I have almost no interest in Christmas this year. I never thought I'd say that because as long as I've been alive I've loved Christmas. I have many happy memories revolving around celebrating the holiday. Most years I can't wait to get the decorations out but this year - well I just can't muster any enthusiasm. I thought about getting some of our Christmas things out over the weekend but I never did. We're leaving Thursday for a mini-vacation and we weren't planning on getting a tree until we got back anyway, but now I'm not really sure we'll bother. Part of the problem is I'm still in a bit of a funk. For all intensive purposes I'm a thousand times better off emotionally than I was a few weeks ago. But there's still an underlying layer of sadness I just can't shake off. The holidays are so 'child-centric' that dealing with IF is made that much harder during Christmas. I mean the holiday itself is about the birth of a baby right? Add that to the commercials, magazines, internet ads, articles, etc. that revolve around children and Christmas and its enough to make me go off the grid until January. It kind of seems like the message is 'unless you have children Christmas is no fun.' Sometimes it feels that way too. 

Another reason I'd like to skip right past the holidays is that I know we'll be starting a new cycle (hopefully) in January, provided AF ever returns. Anyone who knows me knows I am notoriously impatient and I feel like I'm just treading water waiting, waiting, waiting to return to the RE's office. It doesn't help that AF is still MIA, I'd really like a status report from my body about what's happening in there. Most information I've found says your normal cycle should return after 3-6 weeks, well it's been 5 weeks for me and still no sign of AF. We can't really move forward with anything until my cycles resumes and its making me crazy. Here's to hoping *something* will happen soon.

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