9wks1day

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 28, 2011

I can't believe I'm still pregnant. I am unbelievably grateful and happy to be here but it's hard to believe. On Christmas Eve we spent some time with my father's side of the family (my relationship with my father is pretty non-existent since he abandoned us when I was 6) and we decided to tell them that we were (still cautiously) expecting in July. They were all very happy for us. The feeling of 'jinxing' us is still there, I'm getting more comfortable with each passing day but the more comfortable I get the more concerned I get that it'll all fall to pieces. I really need to cease the worrying. 

Today I had my first real, live OB/GYN appointment. I just saw her in September for my annual exam and she knew we were doing IVF again so she was very happy to see me. Before I actually saw her I had to pee in a cup, get my blood draw (stuck twice because of my craptastic veins) and explain to two nurses/office people that we did IVF and I knew the exact day of conception. Once the doctor came in she gave me a quick pelvic check and then we (Doug came with me) got to go to the ultrasound room, I didn't even know she had an ultrasound room. Her machine isn't as nice as the RE's office and when she first put the probe in I didn't see anything at first the way I did with the RE's machine so I was a tiny bit panic-y. She took her time (probably mere seconds) but then our not-yet-a-fetus-embryo appeared on screen, much bigger than last week. It's head is now bigger than it's body but I gather that's normal right now. I'm still measuring one day ahead, so technically I'm 9wks1day but I'm measuring 9wks2days. We got to see and finally hear the heartbeat, it was thunderous! This week it was 177bpm, last week it was 164bpm. Everything looked great she said. We talked about the first trimester screenings for chromosomal issues/neural tube defects, etc. and we decided to have the two-part screening, it's bloodwork and ultrasound. I believe the first part is done between weeks 11-13 and the second part is done around 15-16 weeks. We'll have to go to a MFM practice for the testing because my doctor doesn't do them. Of course this brings a whole new set of worries about the health of our not-yet-a-fetus-embryo. I guess the worrying/freaking out doesn't ever stop.....

8wks

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 20, 2011

This morning we got the best Christmas present ever. Our tiny little embryo grew since last week and is measuring 8wks1day (1 day ahead still) and has a heartbeat of 164 bpm. This week it looks more human than amphibian. The ultrasound tech pointed out it's little arm and leg buds and the head was bigger and we saw the teensy little umbilical cord too.

We are both elated, there's still a long way to go before we're out of the woods but it was so, so, so wonderful to see that heartbeat again. I can't tell you how thankful we are right now. Still cautiously optimistic, but feeling much better. I am fully aware of the bad things that can happen even after this point but I'm trying to stop worrying so much and enjoy where we are right now.

I have graduated from the RE's office and have my first regular OB/GYN appointment next Wednesday. I don't know what type of ultrasound equipment she has so this may be out last ultrasound for a while (which freaks me out). My last PIO shot was last night and my hips are thankful. I'm still on the vaginal suppositories for a couple of more weeks but they aren't nearly as bad as the shots. 

7wks

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 13, 2011

Yesterday was our first viability ultrasound. I took the whole day off, just in case we got bad news. I went to acupuncture at 10AM, it brought my stress level down a tiny bit but then I was right back to full-fledged panic mode by the time we got to the clinic. We were the only people in the waiting room and I thought my heart was going to explode it was pumping so hard. They finally called me back and it was my favorite ultrasound person, who I promptly told that I was freaking out. She was totally calm and assured me everything would be fine. Poor Doug, he had been dealing with me and was probably tired of attempting to calm me down. I did the normal waist-down strip tease and waited for her to come back in. I was 100% convinced we were going to be heartbroken. But then she put the probe in and within seconds there it was on the screen. She kept saying "look how beautiful" and neither Doug or I could believe it but there was a round black space and inside that space was a tiny white blur with the teeniest, tiniest heartbeat pumping away. She pointed out the brain space and the tail (!) and the amniotic area (I don't think it's completely an amniotic sac yet). She also did the Doppler flow on the heart and we could see the tiny heart beating and the blood flow back and forth. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I seriously felt like I was dreaming. Seven years and so much heartache and there on the screen was our baby (or rather embryo, it's a long way from being a baby). The teeny one was measuring 7wks (1 day ahead since yesterday I was 6wks6days) and the heart rate was 145bpm. She said everything looked good and was the right size and in the right place. Unbelievable.

After the ultrasound I got dressed again and we went out in the smaller waiting area to wait for our appointment with Dr. Groucho. While we were waiting I saw the super sweet phelbotomist who congratulated us too. The ultrasound tech brought us a nice little card with three photos of our little blur. We had to wait a few minutes for Dr. Groucho, but when he came in he went over the ultrasound results and said everything looked good  and gave me a weaning protocol for getting off the progesterone and estrogen (shots end next week?!!) We go back next Tuesday, when I'll be 8wks, for another ultrasound to make sure the blur is growing and still has a heartbeat and if that all goes well they'll release me to my OB/GYN. Craziness. I kept saying to Doug "Can you believe this? it's unreal" It feels like I'm dreaming. We still have a long way to go but just like the doubling betas, it's another hurdle crossed. We have so many people praying for us and thinking about us and sending good thoughts to us, it makes you feel so loved.

Physically I'm still sleeping a lot and I feel like I'm constantly hungry or at least thinking about food. I'm waiting and almost pleading for nausea to start. Honestly though I don't feel too different than what I normally do, which concerns me, but maybe it will all hit me soon.

I'm still going to be on pins and needles until the next ultrasound and probably until at least 12 weeks, if not longer, but at least we've gotten a strong gust of hope.

6wks

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 6, 2011

I am 6 weeks today. It's 6 days until our ultrasound. Truthfully I wasn't sure we'd make it this far. Every day without bleeding and cramping is a tiny victory. But the bigger, scarier moment of truth will come next week. I think if I had more symptoms I would be less scared. I still haven't had morning sickness or nausea, my boobs continue to be a little sore (probably thanks to the progesterone/estrogen) and my sleepiness has tapered off quite a bit. I don't feel like I'm pregnant, I feel normal. It doesn't help I've read in several places (here, here) that women that have morning sickness are less likely to miscarry. My worst fear is that when we get to the ultrasound (provided nothing bad happens between now and then) there won't actually be anything in there or if there is there won't be a heartbeat. We never catch a break when it comes to this process and I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had to order more PIO and progesterone suppositories today and I hated to do it because I felt like I was jinxing us again.

5wks2days

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 1, 2011

I woke up at 5AM this morning. I eased out of bed and into the bathroom, no blood. I went into the living room and sat on the couch, intending to knit a few rounds before I got in the shower. I started having some cramping but it was not uterus cramping, it was stomach cramping. My stomach was not happy with me. But still no blood.

I've felt fine since but I'm getting a rumbling, crampy stomach again (at least I hope it's my stomach). I'm so scared that the embryo has stopped growing. I really wish they had given me a third beta. I have resolved to not POAS because even if the embryo has stopped growing I'll still have hCG in my system and still have a positive HPT.

I feel like I jinxed myself because yesterday I pulled the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy out of storage. I bought it five years ago right before our first IVF cycle. It's brand new, the spine isn't even cracked.

We want this so bad, please little embryo be healthy and keep growing.