Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 28, 2011

I can't believe I'm still pregnant. I am unbelievably grateful and happy to be here but it's hard to believe. On Christmas Eve we spent some time with my father's side of the family (my relationship with my father is pretty non-existent since he abandoned us when I was 6) and we decided to tell them that we were (still cautiously) expecting in July. They were all very happy for us. The feeling of 'jinxing' us is still there, I'm getting more comfortable with each passing day but the more comfortable I get the more concerned I get that it'll all fall to pieces. I really need to cease the worrying. 

Today I had my first real, live OB/GYN appointment. I just saw her in September for my annual exam and she knew we were doing IVF again so she was very happy to see me. Before I actually saw her I had to pee in a cup, get my blood draw (stuck twice because of my craptastic veins) and explain to two nurses/office people that we did IVF and I knew the exact day of conception. Once the doctor came in she gave me a quick pelvic check and then we (Doug came with me) got to go to the ultrasound room, I didn't even know she had an ultrasound room. Her machine isn't as nice as the RE's office and when she first put the probe in I didn't see anything at first the way I did with the RE's machine so I was a tiny bit panic-y. She took her time (probably mere seconds) but then our not-yet-a-fetus-embryo appeared on screen, much bigger than last week. It's head is now bigger than it's body but I gather that's normal right now. I'm still measuring one day ahead, so technically I'm 9wks1day but I'm measuring 9wks2days. We got to see and finally hear the heartbeat, it was thunderous! This week it was 177bpm, last week it was 164bpm. Everything looked great she said. We talked about the first trimester screenings for chromosomal issues/neural tube defects, etc. and we decided to have the two-part screening, it's bloodwork and ultrasound. I believe the first part is done between weeks 11-13 and the second part is done around 15-16 weeks. We'll have to go to a MFM practice for the testing because my doctor doesn't do them. Of course this brings a whole new set of worries about the health of our not-yet-a-fetus-embryo. I guess the worrying/freaking out doesn't ever stop.....

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