Sunday, January 29, 2012


Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written December 13, 2011

Yesterday was our first viability ultrasound. I took the whole day off, just in case we got bad news. I went to acupuncture at 10AM, it brought my stress level down a tiny bit but then I was right back to full-fledged panic mode by the time we got to the clinic. We were the only people in the waiting room and I thought my heart was going to explode it was pumping so hard. They finally called me back and it was my favorite ultrasound person, who I promptly told that I was freaking out. She was totally calm and assured me everything would be fine. Poor Doug, he had been dealing with me and was probably tired of attempting to calm me down. I did the normal waist-down strip tease and waited for her to come back in. I was 100% convinced we were going to be heartbroken. But then she put the probe in and within seconds there it was on the screen. She kept saying "look how beautiful" and neither Doug or I could believe it but there was a round black space and inside that space was a tiny white blur with the teeniest, tiniest heartbeat pumping away. She pointed out the brain space and the tail (!) and the amniotic area (I don't think it's completely an amniotic sac yet). She also did the Doppler flow on the heart and we could see the tiny heart beating and the blood flow back and forth. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I seriously felt like I was dreaming. Seven years and so much heartache and there on the screen was our baby (or rather embryo, it's a long way from being a baby). The teeny one was measuring 7wks (1 day ahead since yesterday I was 6wks6days) and the heart rate was 145bpm. She said everything looked good and was the right size and in the right place. Unbelievable.
After the ultrasound I got dressed again and we went out in the smaller waiting area to wait for our appointment with Dr. Groucho. While we were waiting I saw the super sweet phelbotomist who congratulated us too. The ultrasound tech brought us a nice little card with three photos of our little blur. We had to wait a few minutes for Dr. Groucho, but when he came in he went over the ultrasound results and said everything looked good  and gave me a weaning protocol for getting off the progesterone and estrogen (shots end next week?!!) We go back next Tuesday, when I'll be 8wks, for another ultrasound to make sure the blur is growing and still has a heartbeat and if that all goes well they'll release me to my OB/GYN. Craziness. I kept saying to Doug "Can you believe this? it's unreal" It feels like I'm dreaming. We still have a long way to go but just like the doubling betas, it's another hurdle crossed. We have so many people praying for us and thinking about us and sending good thoughts to us, it makes you feel so loved.

Physically I'm still sleeping a lot and I feel like I'm constantly hungry or at least thinking about food. I'm waiting and almost pleading for nausea to start. Honestly though I don't feel too different than what I normally do, which concerns me, but maybe it will all hit me soon.

I'm still going to be on pins and needles until the next ultrasound and probably until at least 12 weeks, if not longer, but at least we've gotten a strong gust of hope.

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