18wks1day

I got busy last week and didn't post but luckily it was a pretty quiet week. We did get the results of our blood work earlier last Friday and it was all negative, the MFM nurse said they were the best numbers you could get. Big sigh of relief. Another hurdle crossed on the way to the finish line a take home baby. I still feel good, my need for sleep is off and on. Last Thursday I skipped out of work a little early because I was positive I was going to fall asleep on my desk. I am starting to get tired of sleeping on my side, it makes my hips hurt. I think I'm going to get one of those long skinny pillows to sleep with. No complaints really, even if I had complaints I don't care, I'm still soooooo grateful to be pregnant, I'll relish all the symptoms and inconveniences I get. I'm pretty excited about our next checkup and getting to see baby again via ultrasound. I've starting going to acupuncture every other week and I'm not sure how long I should keep going. Obviously I feel like acupuncture/Dr. Needles is a big reason why I'm pregnant but I know it's probably going to get more and more uncomfortable to lie down on the table the further along I get. Maybe I'll just ask him.

 I did have a little scare on this past Monday, which might be TMI so avert your eyes if you're squeamish..............
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On Monday morning I woke up, went to the bathroom to prevent my bladder from exploding and when I got ready to flush I saw something, um, odd in the toilet. It looked like I had blown my nose, but from my lady parts. The thing that freaked me out was that it was yellowish in color with two brown streaks. This lead to me panicking and thinking I was losing my mucus plug or something equally horrifying. I got the Doppler and easily found a strong heartbeat but I still wasn't reassured. I called my doctor's office and left a message for the nurse (it's a small office, only one doctor and only one nurse). I had to wait all day for a callback but the nurse told me that if it wasn't continuing to happen and I wasn't cramping or bleeding it was fine. So then I felt better. Although I still used the Doppler a few extra times that day.

On a less gross front, I ordered a few dresses online and one of my friends brought me a bag full of things. Last week I went to Motherhood Maternity to get a pair of jeans and lo and behold they had a pair of petite jeans in my size. Shopping there was weird though, I felt very out of place. When I went to check out the sales clerk asked me a million question, including my due date, and before I knew what was happening I was in their 'system' and she was handing me my jeans and a bag of samples and coupons.

This week we both went Facebook 'public', also our 8th wedding anniversary. We got many congratulations and good wishes and that makes us both feel very cared about.  This week I've also been thinking about a few other IF bloggers who have suffered devastating losses recently.  It just reminds me how fragile this all is.

16wks

We had our 16 weeks appointment this morning and everything continues to be going well so far. Baby's heartrate was good and strong, around 150. My blood pressure was perfectly normal and I hadn't gained any weight since my last visit, yay for going to the gym. Although after I left the doctor's office I did slink down to Dunkin Donuts for a decaf and two donuts, it was my Valentine's Day treat. Our next appointment is in 4 weeks, I'll be 20 weeks then and we'll have our big anatomy scan (but we still aren't peeking to find out the gender). Hopefully everything will be completely normal and a-okay. My second blood draw with the MFM clinic is next Monday and after that I don't know how long it will take for them to get the results to us, we're hoping and praying for good results on that end. I got the bill from the first visit to the MFM clinic, a whopping $520 (we haven't met our deductible yet). Still cheaper than IF treatments.

Most of my clothing is tightening more and more. I have one pair of jeans left that I can wear and they're barely hanging on. I'm having a hard time finding work clothes, they're either frumpy looking or they're too revealing. I have to dress conservatively for work (skirts/dresses only, elbow length sleeves and higher necklines) and trying to find maternity wear is proving difficult. I've found several really cute casual things, but nothing very appropriate for work. I'm actually ready for warmer weather because at least then I can get away with nice sandals with my outfits and no panty hose (for some reason panty hose is not a big deal).

I can't say that I feel like a 'normal' pregnant person, I still feel like I'm on ultra-high alert for problems and complications. After you've been through so much and for so long, you become afraid of getting too comfortable. You almost have to protect yourself from your own feelings, if that makes sense. Sometimes it's just hard to believe that something good, something you've wanted for so incredibly long is finally happening. The other day I was driving home from work and I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, so grateful and happy to finally be pregnant. I'm also still thinking about all the other IF bloggers out there who are still struggling and hoping for a successful cycle and a take-home baby.

15wks

Fifteen seems like such a bigger number, I'm still very grateful to be here. Everything is still good (knock on wood). I, and almost everyone in my knitting group, caught a stomach virus last week, but luckily it didn't last too long. I also decided if that was similar to morning sickness I am forever grateful I escaped it. I still have the runny/stuffy nose that doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon but that's fine. My digestive system has been a little sluggish lately so I'm stocking up on dried fruits and prune juice to help things along. 

I've been weighing myself and I don't think I've gained very much since my last doctor's appointment but I won't know until I get there since their scale is slightly different than mine. I only got to the gym one day last week because of the stomach thing but I'm hoping to get all five days in this week. 

I ordered a few more baby-things, some bibs and swaddle blankets. I left everything in the package and kept the receipt, just in case. This morning I was scanning the local news and saw a story about a pregnant woman and her husband who were in a car wreck last week. The husband died and the wife, who was about as far along as I am, lost the baby. I can't even begin to imagine how completely devastating that is for her. Then I read a story in my hometown newspaper about the sister of a guy I went to school with who had placental abruption at 24 weeks and delivered a less than 2 lb. baby. Thankfully, her baby made it and is doing well but still those stories gave me more things to worry about. Making it this far isn't a guarantee of anything, I think of all the stories I've read of other bloggers, who after years finally got a long-awaited BFP, only to have something unthinkable happen. Sometimes it seems like an incredible accomplishment for anyone to make it through pregnancy with no complications and a healthy baby, kind of like reaching the top of Everest.

Here's to hoping everyone can reach their own Everest.

14wks

Written January 31, 2012

Second trimester! So very happy and grateful right now. I feel good, the last few nights I've managed to stay up until 9:30 or 10:00 before falling asleep. My sinuses are bothering me a lot, constantly runny nose, sinus pressure, sore throat from sinus drainage. I can't find any of the approved medicine on the list my doctor gave me. Most of it is 'plain' - plain Tylenol Cold & Sinus, plain Claritin, etc. I just can't find any of those. Right now I'm just taking steamy showers (not too hot though), drinking peppermint tea and honey and plenty of water. I did take regular Tylenol on Saturday because the headache pressure would not go away. I've been trying to avoid taking very much medicine but Saturday it was just awful. 

We've started telling a few more people, I told my secondary boss (the other one has know about IVF from the beginning) he was very happy for us and I think they're going to be pretty flexible about maternity leave/bringing baby to work for a few months. I work for a very small (like 11 people total) religious organization and we're too small to qualify for FMLA. However, I've worked here for almost seven years and I have a really good relationship with my boss so I think it will work out.

It's all starting to seem more and more real. This weekend Doug and I had to run an errand next to a Babies R Us and we decided to venture in, which felt very weird. I told Doug I felt like someone was going to see me and tell me I wasn't pregnant enough to be in there. We just wandered around looking at all the baby gear, apparently babies have a lot of gear. I wanted to buy something so I picked up a pair of tiny newborn socks with puppy ears & faces on them (I still say this baby is a boy but if it's a girl she won't mind puppy socks).

My worrying has gotten slightly less severe, but it's still there in the back of my mind. Mainly I'm concerned about the risk assessment coming back really high and/or something bad happening before 24 weeks (the earliest viability). It seems like a lot of us who have battled IF have bad things happen even after that positive beta. Anyway, I'm trying to think of less scary things, I've been dreaming of how I'd decorate the nursery for ages and Doug is totally on board with my plan so I think we'll start working on it mid-March. Plus we're considering going to the beach for a week in April. I really wanted to go elsewhere but I just don't think I can get on a plane and not be able to take a Xanax or have a glass of wine. My flying anxiety is off the charts without one of those things. So instead we'll just go somewhere we can drive to within a reasonable amount of time. I'd really like some time to just veg out and eat fresh crab.

13 wks 1 day

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written January 25, 2012

We're inching ever closer to the second trimester. The NT scan with the MFM was Monday, an odd-ish experience. Our appointment was at 9AM but they told us to be there at 8:30AM. We (I) filled out a ton of paperwork and then we waited. The MFM is the only one is the area so there were a lot of people waiting. We finally got called back for the ultrasound. The sonographer couldn't have been sweeter, super nice. It was so weird having a 'real' ultrasound (non-transvaginal). I was nervous but not nearly as nervous as I've been at previous ultrasounds. Doug and I watched with total amazement as our baby appeared on screen, he/she was swallowing, moving his/her arms and legs around, we were completely entranced. The neural fold measurement was 1.something, so well within the normal limits. She also pointed out the nasal bone, stomach, bladder, placenta, femur bones, the cerebral cortex, etc. Everything looked totally normal. We got eight little pictures, four 3-D ones and four regular ones, you can find them on the little separate tab up top labeled "Ultrasounds". 

Once the ultrasound was over, we were taken to a small room and proceeded to wait f-o-r-e-v-e-r for the doctor. I thought Doug was going to have a conniption but eventually, the doctor came in. The doctor was very cut and dry, matter of fact, lacking any warm and fuzzy parts. Anyway, we decided to do the integrated

testing, which is the first trimester testing (the ultrasound + bloodwork) and then I go back in 4 weeks for another blooddraw. Then they'll take the results of the ultrasound, the bloodwork, plus my age (30) and give us a risk assessment. So we're hoping for a low risk assessment and one healthy baby. 

I feel fine, still napping in the evenings. I have developed a tiny bit of stiffness in my left back hip area, mainly after I sit for awhile. I'm still going to the gym at lunch and also still seeing Dr. Needles on Friday afternoons. My clothes are getting tighter (mainly my tights/skirts/pants) I broke down and ordered two maternity skirts from Gap.com, they fit very well but have to be hemmed because I'm on the short-side. I also got some maternity tights and panty hose, which fit well in the abdomen area but are so long. I don't have a "bump" I have more of a "ate-too-many-donuts" rounded bloat. Which is fine with me, at least it's something. 

With each day it's starting to feel more real. We've been talking about our nursery plans and possible childcare plans. It's starting to seem more real, although I'm still cautious, I've read too many stories about bad outcomes, even after 12 weeks.

12wks3days

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written January 20, 2012

We made it to 12 weeks! I know we still have a very long way to go (around 28 weeks) but this is a pretty damn big accomplishment. My 12 week appointment was on Tuesday, I gained some weight (ugh) I don't remember exactly how much because my scale at home is off from the scale at the doctor's office but my doctor didn't seem too concerned. However, it was motivation enough for me to start going to the gym the next day and start keeping a food diary. I've never been skinny and my weight hasn't really fluctuated, but I've always been a little overweight. After IVF failure #2, I lost a little weight (mostly due to depression) but I kept it off. Once IVF cycle #3 started my physical activity plummeted and has been almost non-existent since I got the first positive pregnancy test. At any rate, I don't want, nor do I need, to gain very much weight. I'm hoping to gain a maximum of 15-20 pounds (which I think is appropriate based on what the Mayo Clinic guide says). I'm not dieting by any means, but I'm being much more mindful of my choices, specifically lowering my carb intake and increasing my protein intake (which was the doctor's advice). I also decided it's much easier for me to go to the gym during lunch because the gym we belong to is closer to my work than our house. It's more difficult for me to drag myself back out once I've gotten home. The best thing about the gym is that they have brand-new equipment with personal tv screens so while you're on the treadmill/elliptical, etc. you can watch tv or surf the web, etc. Pretty great.

We didn't get an ultrasound on Tuesday but she did use the Doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat, which was nice and strong. Our next OBGYN appointment is February 14th, I'll be 16 weeks. Our NT scan with the MFM is on Monday morning. I'm nervous, I just want so badly for this to be the healthy baby we've waited so long for.

11wks

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written January 10, 2012

Wow. Eleven weeks. Unbelievable. I still can't believe I'm really pregnant. I feel pretty much the same, my hunger is dying down a little but I'm still sleeping a lot and I have a few other less than lady-like symptoms. The doppler I rented came last Thursday and it took us a little while but we were able to find the heartbeat, best sound ever. I'm using it once a day for just a few minutes, it's gotten a little easier to find without as much trouble. It's a beautiful sound and it's help calm my nerves frequently. Plus I think it makes Doug really excited to hear it too.

Knock on wood there's been no more spotting. I did have some light cramping a few days ago but I imagine it's just because the baby is getting bigger and stretching my uterus out more (at least I hope that's what it is). My 12 week appointment is next Tuesday and *fingers-crossed* everything will be just as it should be. Our first trimester screening appointment with the MFM doctor is the 23rd, another hurdle to clear, again lots of praying/hoping/fingers crossed that there's a healthy baby in there. We still aren't finding out the gender but I say boy and Doug says girl. I think not finding out is going to be the best surprise ever. 

I'm gradually getting more comfortable with the idea that I'm actually, truly pregnant. My work skirts are continuing to get tighter and tighter and I've found myself looking at maternity clothes online. I'm resisting buying anything for another couple of weeks though, I'm too superstitious.

10wks2days

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written January 4, 2012

So I called the doctor Tuesday afternoon because I knew if I didn't get everything checked out I would start imagining the worst possibilities. The nurse called me back late in the day and told me my doctor didn't think it was anything to be worried about but to come on in Wednesday to make sure. Cue the panic mode. Of course I was in worry-freak-out-mode until my appointment. When I got there the waiting room was full of largely pregnant women. And the office is pretty small so when they were called back in the exam room I could hear it when the doctor pulled out the Doppler and heard their babies thunderous heartbeats. Not a great feeling for me. Eventually the nurse called me back and took my weight and vitals (no weight gain). Bless the nurse's heart she was so understanding and sweet. I went into the exam room and Dr. D came in and gave me a quick check, she didn't see anything alarming but she did an ultrasound to see what else was in there. Thank God there was still our tiny little fetus moving around more than last week and looking less compact, the little arm and leg buds were clearer, and he/she was measuring 10wks3days. Heartbeat was good, I think she said it was 165, based on what I read the heartrate starts to decrease now and will then level out the further along I get. She did find a tiny spot of blood in my uterus, but she said it was so small it might either get reabsorbed or if it comes out it will probably be tan because it's so small. I also still have some fluid on my right side and my left ovary is still pretty big. All in all, she said while spotting/bleeding isn't normal it's common. I take that to mean that while they don't like seeing it, that it happens a lot without a bad outcome. I still feel like every day is a little victory, I hope and pray we can make it to the 12 week mark, even though I know that the risk of miscarriage/fetal demise doesn't completely disappear the risk does go down some at that point. I also hope and pray our NT scan will be normal. 

Since I've been on high-alert, I ordered a home Doppler from BabyBeat. It supposed to be delivered today, on one hand I'll be glad to have the reassurance but on the other hand when I can't find the hb I may be even more freaked out. Our 12 week appointment is on January 17th and they're supposed to be calling to schedule my NT scan in the next week or so. 

I'm still so very grateful for this and hoping so hard it all turns out okay.

10wks

Note: My husband and I are currently expecting our first baby after 7 years of infertility and 3 cycles of IVF. I have been writing blog posts since we found out but not publishing them until now (I’m currently 13 weeks). I’ll be posting one a day until I ‘catch-up’ to current time. I ask that if you know me ‘in real life’ that you not post about this on Facebook, because while we are ecstatic to be this far, we are still being very cautious.

Written January 3, 2012 

I am convinced something is wrong. Saturday morning I had a tiny bit of something on my pantyliner, it wasn't red or even pink, it ranged from medium yellow to dark yellow to very light beige. It wasn't there when I wiped and it was only a tiny smattering of dots. Queue panic. Sunday nothing much going on. Monday I had one liner with dark yellow liquid (urine?), one liner with a small streak of tan and one liner with a smaller streak of tan. Again, nothing when I wipe, no cramping, no actual red blood and nothing out of the ordinary when I put in my progesterone and estrogen. I feel less bloat-y today and I think I've decided to call my doctor when I go home for lunch. I can't really have a discussion about my panty liners while at work.

Please, please, please still be alive.